Random Drabbles From the Mind of an Insane Duck
by eclect
Summary: Includes 'FMA goes to the psychiratrist'. Songfics, angst, romance, crack, whatever i'm feeling at the time...R
1. Paint fumes and the like

**a/n: I'm bored. I want somewhere to post any and all drabbles and songfics I come up with on a whim. No one needs to review.**

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One day, Roy was talking to Ed about something important. All of a sudden, Ed burst out laughing. "Fullmetal, why are you laughing?"

"_Ha_-I-_Haha_-Don't know-_hahahaHA_!!!"

"Stop laughing! It's-_heheh_-getting-_haha_-really-_hahahaha_-annoying-_hahahhahaha_!!!" Roy started giggling, which soon erupted into full-blown hysteria.

Through his tears, Roy spied something disturbing. On the wall hung a sign. It read in big bold letters:

**Warning: Wet Paint**

**Beware Fumes**

"Oh God!" exclaimed Roy through his laughs. He plugged his nose and scurried out of his office, leaving a hiccupping Edward inside.

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**Again, no need to review. Read my other stories and review them is you really have some obsessive-compulsive disorder to review. That's a good idea…**


	2. Riza's habit

**A/n: Wow…Sugar can do things to people…**

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Nobody knows this, but Riza Hawkeye has an obsessive-compulsive disorder. When she is really happy, she pushes buttons. Any type of buttons: shiny buttons, dull buttons, red buttons, blue buttons, lit-up buttons, dark buttons, power buttons, off buttons, play buttons, stop buttons, exit buttons, remote buttons, election buttons, candy buttons, fight attendant buttons, shirt buttons, pant buttons, coat buttons, keyboard buttons, crosswalk buttons, top buttons, bottom buttons, middle buttons, people's buttons, animal buttons, button mushrooms, buttons, buttons, and more buttons. Poor Riza; she pushed every button in central when Roy was elected Führer.

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**Must finish 'Falcons and Stallions'! YOSH!!! **


	3. Roy goes to the Psychiatrist

**a/n: Hmm...excuse me? Does anyone REALLY want to to learn about the settlement of New South Wales by British convicts? I didn't think so. Plus, I was bored. Enjoy, or not.**

"Okay, sir, we're here." Riza Hawkeye led her superior into the crowded waiting room of the psychiatrist's office.

"Roy Mustang? Dr. Grantz will see you now."

"That's you sir. I'll be back in an hour and a half to pick you up."

Mustang strolled in the doorway and into Dr. Grantz's office. There he collapsed on the 'client's settee', teas streaming down his face.

"Doctor, Doctor, please help me! One day I woke up and my alchemy was gone! I tried to light my fire place by snapping but it didn't work! See?!" Roy snapped, once, twice, thrice, but to no avail. No even a spark could be seen. Roy collapsed again. "Oh the Angst!"

"Roy, Roy, please, take a deep breath. Now, can you say that gain, but _slowly_?"

Mustang repeated himself, somewhat more calmly. Dr. Grantz asked him if he had any grudges that might affect the workings of his alchemy.

"Well, Fullmetal is always calling me 'Colonel Bastard' but-"

"Wait, wait, 'Fullmetal'? As in 'The Fullmetal Alchemist'?! I- uh, my niece is a big fan! Do you know him?" Dr. Grantz's eyes were wide with excitement. "Is he really that short? Do you think you could get an autograph?"

The 'Flame' Alchemist grumble out a 'sure' and, noticing his clients sudden change in demeanor, Grantz hastily cleared his throat and readjusted his glasses.

"Well, enough about that. How do these people make you feel? After interacting with them, does your alchemy quality lessen any?"

These kinds of questions persisted until Dr. Grantz noted that their time was up. After finalizing some payment issues (Amestris Military Medical Coverage, available to any and all enlisted and ranked officers) and booking in another appointment the following week, Roy was out the door. He left with only a few tips on how to better manage his emotions and release built you tension and stress. That's not much, pointing out that he had primarily come in to find out how to regain his alchemic power.

As Roy and Riza walked across the parking lot towards the military issue steam engine automobile, the colonel shoved his hand into his pocket in disappointment. He suddenly stopped and, with a bewildered expression on his face, pulled out two white gloves. He hurriedly discarded the current pair and pulled the new ones on. He snapped. The psychiatrist's office burst into flame.

"Hehe...oops," he chuckled breathlessly, "Wrong gloves."

**See? You like? Please review.**

**I OWN DR. GRANTZ!!! BUHAHAHA!!**


	4. Al Has Abandonment Issues!

**I've decided to post this and get it out of the way, even though I typed it up a while back. And to try to reconcile all you for being so lazy and not updateing FNS. I promise, it's comeing- ITAI!!! I sprained my wrist when I fell off my skateboard.. itaiitaiitai...(**

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'So, what brings you here today, Alphonse?"

Al Elric sniffed and wiped his eyes. "E-everyone leaves me!" Al broke down sobbing…again.

Dr. Grantz made a note. _Definitely abandonment issues_.

"I feel so alone!"

"Now, now, Alphonse, can you tell me when you started feeling this way?"

"Well," he sniffed again, "First m-my dad l-left us, then m-mom died, and now Ed has disappeared forever! Whaaaa! I want my Edo-nii!"

Dr. Grantz Pinched the bridge of his nose, shifting his rimless glasses, and passed a box of tissues to the distressed prepubescent. Al continued sobbing, much to the doctors chagrin. _So this is why they say never work with kids or animals…_

After much more sniffling and the disposal of 3 empty tissue boxes, Edward Elric stepped into the room. His younger brother's eyes widened and he lept upon the elder Elric.

Through Al's wailings of joy, Ed managed to sputter out, "Alu, what's going on?"

"YOU'VE COME BACK!!!"

"I've only been gone for an hour while you've been in your appointment…"

"BUT I MISSED YOU!!!"

"Sure…Uh, thanks doctor. The military will contact you…;'

"See ya Ed." Grantz unconsciously pinched the bridge of his nose and leaned back in his chair as the two brothers exited- Well, one brother dragged the other, out of the room.

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**There you go! You like, You reveiw. Short i know, but i had no other ideas. I've been preocupied by my Bleach fics ) Forgive me!**


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